Myself

The entire previous day was some how so depressing if I am using the right word.. Just started with a tiff, continued to a misunderstanding,further to hurting talks that pinched me deep inside. All the while I was forced to think, am I different or is the situation not right?? Some how, I keep landing in scenarios where I kinda loose my cool, control would be slightly overrated. Money, relationships, emotions, hardships, career, love, happiness & so on...agreed are part of life but all happening at the same time puts one in a tight & tough spot. I guess from an age of 18, understood the importance of money, learned to earn but apparently never knew to manage it. I know you would say, its the same case with all but I would deny...
There are people out there who are smart & really tricky in tackling issues. However, people like us get out of one & get into another one. Its like a game of tennis where the ball is being tossed from one side to another as though if not done, would feel sad. I am sure, one as a matter of fact has untold words that each time can't be expressed. Or too many thoughts that fail to gain words, vocabulary seems just not enough. Ur brain doesn't seem to help you in framing the sentences to spurt it out. Its jammed like a rusted machine. A battle won is battle fought. But, when the battle is with your own self, who determines the winner??? Who judges the best performer???
Many a time, your heart is so full of thoughts, emotions, it seems impossible to focus. Some one sitting right next to you talking, known you for ages, known all your secrets would also fail to gauge the depth. This happens to me quite often where I wonder, am I too bound by things that I have started to drift apart? My hooks ups should be owned by me, my screw ups, my blunders, my decisions. All of us spend most of our lives crunching in views & visions with someone's perspective and not ours. We fail to realize this is a thorough act of manipulation not done with a purpose but may be just in good faith. To stand tall & say "NO" is never easy...
It's totally unexplainable 'cos firstly you don't need to & secondly why should you?
These small battle of thoughts keep boggling each of us day in day out, just that we always give in or give up.

Happiness Confused

Last Thursday afternoon, I got a call. It was my good friend on the other side. Said is tying the knot next month...I was like what the F***? This pal of mine is someone who has been with me during all the thick n thin. It's just that I can't believe all this is happening so soon. We never ever thought that there is some one ever made who would walk in & say, I would stand by...Gosh! I am such a moron, I went on questioning instead of congratulating 'cos it some how didn't really sink in... Been through so many things together in our lives, illness, happiness, tensions, joy & finally happiness...Its like, it makes you believe there is someone some where there for everyone always.. I know sounds kinda philosophical but it is...I guess.. The only thing that scares me more than her, hope this is here to stay. Hope this is stable, serene & brings in some ounce of honey to the barren land. With all the crazy elements in life when suddenly something good is bound to happen, you just don't realize you ought to be Happy.
It has happened to me also a couple of times, where I need to be delighted rather I am in a Lull state of mind...you know like a total blank state. Our meeting over the weekend has never been this confused. It was like I had too many things to say yet they were just stuck inside my brain, finding tough to come out. Its like when you know some one too well, you kinda don't know what to say. Now, what's the big deal on a wedding. There is here folks..When your physical cleansing system fails to do its job, you need to take outside support to force it to work.Don't know if you folks follow, but its complicated. With all this a wedding can be a sign of added trouble, can't say this though with 100% assurance but yeah it can be. Just hope & pray that Allz well that ends well....