Human Quest

Mighty mighty far-flung views, eyes wandering all about. Unable to stay focused, stay put, stay sane. What's the search for? What's that seems visible yet unreachable? 

Visions surpassing the possibilities of reality stating differences between now and later. Palms stretched in directions of no specificity, only motive to steer ahead and never reach. Does that make sense, moving to find no destination, walking to find no paths, swimming to find no shore, living to find no ends? Who defines these? What does it even mean? 

All of us in quest of meaning, to demystify our current jumbles, visible dilemmas and unreachable goals. Does a company help meet these end motives or does it offer more options to add on the existing funnel? Love has always continued to amaze people by barging in at uncalled, inexplicit and unexpected junctures in one's life.   

Come to think of it, not a single soul ever plans to be in love. It just happens and for most of your life, you end up solving the puzzle. How do people continue to be in love? Is there any secret recipe which only the lovebirds are lucky enough to experience and taste and relish their pallets. Can't think of a single soul who hates being in love. You can't hate love but you come to love the love and then life throws you off at immense shores of this ocean that each time, you are left flabbergasted.

I mean does that even make sense. You come across so many people in your life. Some are enhancers creating a roar and some stay like those habits that die hard. However, you can't choose one over the others as both these kinds are imperative for us to experience things at a different and from a unique angle. Why you do what you do has no congruence sometimes. And, maybe it's better to just let it be and let life to chalk out the puzzles the same way that it chalks everything else out.

Imagination is fancier anyway but never undermine the reality. Might surprise you, you never know.

Thoughts by the Window Pane

By the window pane, cut off from the world, the breeze flowing through the face. Rains making their presence dominant, droplets of them filling up the pond at the porch. Walking past muddy ponds dampening your bare feet, wetting yourself, in the interim of safekeeping possessions.

Rain has its charm and each time it proves that we are none, just onlookers waiting for it to make way. Waiting and watching the rains, sipping a hot cup of tea, having conversations as a company. Humbled by the soulful morning offering filled with love, to satisfy a famished tummy. Certain people have their way to live in your lives for years with nothing wanted in return.

Our source of experiences vary from time to time and situations that give us inconceivable events. We add on the images that we wish to capture and maybe revisit when there is nothing else left to. The smell around after the rainfall, the mud, the leaves, the trees, the buildings, the children splashing water and the sudden wave of calm are just the things that money can't buy.

In the fantastic world of sounds, certain tempos aren't defined or bound. They make their influence with no boundaries, are inexplicable, remain untouched, serene from wherever you try to listen in. Those journeys made in no specific direction, just heading forward and feeling the air gushing, your hair uncontrollable, your spirit indefinable, your story unthinkable.

There comes a phase in all our lives where we fail to comprehend where we are, what's our story, is it something that we have in common with others? Are we unique, which most of us surely want to believe is the case. Stealing some time off from the mundane live which mostly ends up calling itself a vacation and then by the fag end of it, anxiety sinks in knocking at the doors of reality.

Have you had one such phase too?

My Mountain Experience

Those wild beautiful flowers and taller than life trees. Greenery all over paved paths unexplored destinations. Walking by those uncarved roads, all I can think of is the immense investment people make in spending their precious valuable time on things that they wouldn't take with them. What would we take with us anyways? Nothing maybe some memories, we would leave for the people who matter to us and we leave this world with absolutely nothing, not even our skin and bones. Everything just goes whoosh. 

Coming back to the mountains, there is something about the way they communicate with you, they welcome you with those open arms, let you experience their world and then leave you with a lasting impression that would never go away. The snow, the greens, the winds, the mist, the colors,.you can never get bored of them. In fact, you would never feel like leaving them. One week amongst them and I can only think of leaving everything behind and just stay put where I am. 

The more than welcoming people, their smiles and warmth would amaze you with the simplicity around you that used to be normal at some point in time with mankind. Karaoke sessions in the evening where friends gather around to spend an evening together sipping some tea and hot pakoras, I mean, what more could you ask for with Kanchanjunga as your backdrop. Simple, serene, food made with love just added to the flavor of this visit to Selery Goan in Kalimpong. 

The little joy of looking at a young kid walking on the streets with her granddad in the chill cold weather asking him to take her on a walk would fill your heart with such joy that it's indescribable. You would only be lost in a reverie, trying to recall your own childhood. Her tiny fingers displaying her possessions in silver rings would make you love her more. Leaving her behind at that tiny little village kind of left us heavy-hearted. It seemed the dream coming to an end too soon.

 I am taking back not just memories but so much more than maybe I can never imagine getting anywhere else.

Midnight Revelations

Wow! Some things in life just leave you speechless. A state where you are tongue-tied for various reasons. You want to speak, say it all out however your brain fails to work in tandem with your voice box to frame your talk. Why certain things happen the way they do, why don't they happen the way we wish they should?

Those answers would have been a game starter. You love, you care, you dream, you bare. When so much is happening, there still exists an element of fear, what if this isn't forever? Maybe the only constant is that there is nothing constant.

You are left to imagine as per free will, no holds barred, none whatsoever.  Yet, is the free flow of thought a reality or a myth. Does freedom exist in the real sense where one doesn't need any permits or bans? Just be and be as you wish.

Who decides our wishes, do we or our situation? Is it the people we love or the people we hate?. Is it the role plays we do or the ones we spare? What is it? A lot of questions crawling in one's head like those termites eating you up slowly and eventually the wall just comes down to zero.

Don't we all start from there? A place which gives us a zone to reboot to just delete and begin again. Beginnings are important and interesting parts of our lives. They bring in the same adrenaline each time maybe in variations of tempo and speed. Yet they do their job of letting one believe that you are a master who can excel and go beyond.

Don't all of us tread real hard through our lives day in and out to go beyond? Do you think, humans would love monotony? Do you think you would love some freeze time where it's you and nothing changes and stays the same? Have you ever thought what would you do then or would you do none?

A whole new spectrum to dealing with life, live in the moment since the moment would pass and you won't be able to hold it. Tides never stop as ocean never sleeps. Have you ever dwelled into what happens when you sleep? Do you think you are asleep with zero processing in your brain and body or do you think you are in a different world?

Wish we would cherish those tiny miniscule attempts of crafting joy, sharing a tear, wiping the fear and shifting the gear of life to keep at it.

A place so wonderful that your imagination would continue to startle you and let you remain there unperturbed and unadulterated. Life baffles us, all you need is experience it with open arms. 

Walking Images

Images of life running like a movie in front of your eyes and all you are trying to do is find yourself in it and the role that you are trying to play each time. Unlike movies, where actors play one role at a time, life lets you experience multiple facets of role-playing and rating yourself at different instances and also learning from it. 

How many of us actually take these roles as they come or fight it out like the kid wishing for that orange colour lollipop hoping his tongue to turn orangy? It has taken me time to realise, accept and play the roles that come my way in a way that maybe nobody else did. Obviously, I am a debut at it each time. So now, coming to these roles and their demands. Do we just do what they expect us or do we twist it as per fantasies or more so our comfort?

Imagination has its way of taking you to a different world. Like, a crazy dream of mine where I am reading the obituary of a very dear friend of mine who lost her life to Cancer. And the twist in the dream was the girl whose obituary I saw was her sister. There was a phase where my friends were telling me, worry not, she is alive. However, once I was up, it took me into another loop of thoughts as to why did I get that dream? Wish, we could find answers to all those questions.

Twenty four hours, 1440 minutes, a second, each moment to feel completely alive, cherish and forever. To gain, to lose, to break free, to hold on - isn't that an ongoing process of finding oneself amongst the crowd? How does one become a believer, a go-getter, an achiever, a giver and not just a mere receiver? An important, impeccable element of one's life consists of giving back in some way to this world, this humongous, marvellous, mammoth that let you experience your tiny little world at your own pace with some borrowed space. Each day, when I wake up, I ask myself, am I doing something in giving back or am I being selfish by taking away whatever I get to safe keep?

Being a child, I was always given values to share and care, to smile and dare, to go forward and play, never to back down and give up. These simple values have built in such an unshakable structure inside that it doesn't agree to let go even when it knows that it might end up ruining everything.

So, the question is, where does one stop and how? How does one ask for help when all through life the lessons learnt were to fight it out and never give up? Apparently, life has its brilliant way of showing that you are just a follower and the remote control is never in your control at least of your life. Thus, the only choice left is to go by what comes and keep moving forward and never look back unless it's to cherish a smile or a memory so divine.x

x

Beautiful Things!!!

Sitting by my bed, when I pen this post down, I wonder where and how do we do what we do? I just watched an amazing Marathi movie that speaks so much without actually being vocal. It was a different experience and it left me in tears.

Well, do we really need words to say what we wish to? Does the verbose at times leave us perplexed and just no where to go? Many a time, I have been in situations where words fail me. They don't seem to be doing their job of making me communicate with others and what I really want to say. I wonder, is it just me or is it common with all?

Relationships are so complex. Yes, I for one have had my share of them and they have never been easy. Even, the ones I thought were easy turned out to be overload. We are all emotional but is there a point letting your emotions make every single move or is there a point being logical. This question has always bothered me for years now. I never seem to be able to make sense out of this never ending saga of events. Whenever I think, I have moved on or need to, I kinda end up somewhere where I didn't actually wish to be. I am not even sure, if I am making sense anymore but somehow it's taxing to be helpless.

So many years passed by trying to make something work so that I am 100% sure that I gave it everything. And yet, where did I land, no where, still empty handed right at the first block of life where I have to get started all over again. Am I complaining? Not really !! But, I definitely feel a little in dearth of that same energy, passion, drive to get started from the scratch. Somehow, where things should have just worked, everything decided to break down. When every tiny little thing, breaks down, tears open right in front of your eyes, how do you gather yourself up? How does one push to get up and get going?

I am tired and I am just done. Can I even say this? Though, I want to just STOP, yet there is some hope that LIFE would come around and embrace me uptight and tell me, come on, time to have some fun. Well, I am not saying, I haven't had fun. Yes, I agree, there is nothing eternal, nothing lasts forever but I would just like something to for a change.

Empty handed each time, craving for something to come around. Something to just shine like the sun spreading his spectacular brightness in the dark. Something like the stars at night adding flavor to the dark sky. Some wind which would give you some relief on a hot summer afternoon or those summers drizzles which make an appearance just when you start to feel the heat. The ask is not much, nothing that can't happen. Question is, will it?

Unspoken words, gestures and those tiny moments are there to cherish. Never miss them for the big thunder. Remember, thunder comes and takes away the spell....

JUST KICK OFF: Love & Other Things

JUST KICK OFF: Love & Other Things

Love & Other Things

When the most important things in life seem to be scattered all around and it becomes technically impossible to gather them together and find an amicable means to function keeping them intact yet separate in their worlds...

Seriously where could one possibly go as an escapade and just bask in the glory of an Oregon. Freaking with your brain and yet not letting you realize that. I mean what better way of making an impact face on still in hiding...

Life brings in so many zillion situations staring you right in the eyes and just leave you absolutely no choice to choose. Whoever said that life is what you make of it...well when do you make when you can't and have no possible way...

Love, Friendship, Relationships aren't any less complicated and any one who denies this is simply a moron in the complete sense. One love one life again..... Is this true??? Naah....love is such a feeling messing with your head and heart all the time that you can't seem to focus...

Never can it be defined with a time zone or age or anything ever. Eternal love is the only truth unless you accept the concept and it is more to do with yourself rather than another person being involved.

The biggest irony in life could be to love someone so much and not able to claim it as yours... Being reprimanded for falling in love beyond a no entry zone. That smile that comes in only for a reason defined with no pre set perspective or any kinda feedback or expectations...

How hurting can it get when one can't share that actual smile for the love of life... Imagine that....

Life as we know it...

Well....Actually!!!

When you know deep down that something is bound to happen no matter how much ever you don't want it to...It actually happens...What an irony?? Who in the world ever wanted worries; screw ups but don't they come your way without seeking consent...Sincerely, I wonder its just the not so good things that happen without any prior notice. Sadly, the good ones, make you feel relieved where you breathe a sigh when they make an appearance. It's like you waited a life time for it...bloody its never a surprise or out of the world thing.

Thus, would it be right to infer, that somewhere there is never a consistency in the odds that life would offer you. I mean, you could never gauge what comes next unless it actually makes a move towards you. What ever your plan, your ideas, your thoughts,all goes a stand still when something absolutely uncalled for makes a grand entry in your life & suddenly you are excepted to cope up.

COPE up...what a word?? For defining that one thing or many many tiny little things that make you happy, possible?? Well...Don't know. At times, a nap on someone's lap under the dark clouds on a super fast highway, just for those exact 18 minutes can leave you so content & happy that you would be smiling from within. Some days the same nap would fail to do any good. Well....so trying to draw a relativity out here....it ain't the act but the situation & act & the time working in co-relation with each other. Does that make sense?? Guess so...

Also, how much ever one wishes to hold back a certain thing,may be the negation out runs oneself so strongly that it happens and all one could do, is fucking face it....Well, surely none of us would want to lead a life filled with uncertainties but how certain can one be that certain check points on a to do list would put them away and those uncertainties are at bay....Time immemorial people have always mentioned, be ready to face anything that comes in your life. When that is the case, why are atleast 80% of the entire population in the world running behind to negate this knowing there is nothing that could possibly be done.

Yet, we do, I am not counting myself out here. May be, all we are all trying to do, is reduce the impact to a bare minimum. Money, shelter, clothes, love, children....to an extent can help one sail through but then till when...Ultimately, its a life one needs to lead, the air one needs to breathe to stay alive, the walk one needs to take to reach a point, the food one needs to be bite to survive. I mean, would it be wrong to say, to a great extent it's a lone task to be done in a certain manner to have a descent life that you could look back at what we call the Golden years of ones LIFE...

Well,,,,Cheers to all those who strive hard to make a life that's worth living each & every tiny second...Hats Off...