Gosh! Not Again
Each time I think it's over but no not yet. I guess I have been hiding this from all around, but have a tendency to get into trouble...invite it with open arms...All was simply perfect, I joined a new work place, the university, working under some one whom I know loves me a lot... in fact has been loving me for years together I guess...
But, there is a kinda gap in what he thinks of me & how he behaves with me... When you love some one, you try to make things special for them however, in this case, its never that.. it's always mean...I try to u'stand this but I never can.. In fact, I am the one who starts the conversation & finally end up being irritated myself. I guess it's my curiosity that drives me to do this.. I really wanna know how can you love some one so much that you don't wanna move ahead even he/she has. I just wanna be with for a couple of hours to know what cooks in his brain...says is a certified flirt but where is the time to flirt when you are always at work..or doing work even when not at work.. I was chatting up with him for the entire day yesterday & I feel I instigated him big time. He still loves me but doesn't want to be friends with him..cares for me but doesn't show it..
I told him I can't love you 'cos things are not the same anymore. However, I want to still be friends with you 'cos life is too short to speculate, but he says I can't, would rather maintain a safe distance...
Now, what I fail to u'stand about myself is why am I being pushy?? Why the hell do I not want to shut up & forget it... Why should he even matter to me...I fail to u'stand this... I guess...I am being selfish... Just want it all...I know it's kinda unfair on all 'cos I can't expect all to be like me...
I could move on after loosing my first love... but I know some where deep down I still love him... But the chapter is over...I can't stop talking to him 'cos that would kill me more..
So, this whole fact of this chap not letting me even know him or spend time with him is eating me from inside 'cos I really don't know whether he is in love with me or has a perception about the same...I want to get this sorted...I want this to stay... I know he is a gem of a guy n I just don't wanna loose him... life is too short for us to miss on opportunities...
Even now, I really am not sure if I could ever work something out but I guess I deserve a chance to make up...
But, there is a kinda gap in what he thinks of me & how he behaves with me... When you love some one, you try to make things special for them however, in this case, its never that.. it's always mean...I try to u'stand this but I never can.. In fact, I am the one who starts the conversation & finally end up being irritated myself. I guess it's my curiosity that drives me to do this.. I really wanna know how can you love some one so much that you don't wanna move ahead even he/she has. I just wanna be with for a couple of hours to know what cooks in his brain...says is a certified flirt but where is the time to flirt when you are always at work..or doing work even when not at work.. I was chatting up with him for the entire day yesterday & I feel I instigated him big time. He still loves me but doesn't want to be friends with him..cares for me but doesn't show it..
I told him I can't love you 'cos things are not the same anymore. However, I want to still be friends with you 'cos life is too short to speculate, but he says I can't, would rather maintain a safe distance...
Now, what I fail to u'stand about myself is why am I being pushy?? Why the hell do I not want to shut up & forget it... Why should he even matter to me...I fail to u'stand this... I guess...I am being selfish... Just want it all...I know it's kinda unfair on all 'cos I can't expect all to be like me...
I could move on after loosing my first love... but I know some where deep down I still love him... But the chapter is over...I can't stop talking to him 'cos that would kill me more..
So, this whole fact of this chap not letting me even know him or spend time with him is eating me from inside 'cos I really don't know whether he is in love with me or has a perception about the same...I want to get this sorted...I want this to stay... I know he is a gem of a guy n I just don't wanna loose him... life is too short for us to miss on opportunities...
Even now, I really am not sure if I could ever work something out but I guess I deserve a chance to make up...
posted by some1there at 8:21 PM
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